Humour

: skip to main skip to sidebar Tuesday , September 29, 2009 Losing my marbles A humorous story I enjoyed and wanted to share with . you The older I get , the more I enjoy Saturday mornings . Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise , or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work . Either way , the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable . A few weeks ago , I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other . What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time . Let me tell you about it I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net . Along the way , I came across an older sounding chap , with a tremendous signal and a golden voice . You know the kind , he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business . He was telling whom-ever he was talking with something about a thousand marbles . I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say . Well , Tom , it sure sounds like you're busy with your job . I'm sure

Scooter on approach

Updated: 2009-09-29 02:28:00

Weight Loss Tip!

Updated: 2009-09-28 17:09:00

The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman."How'd you do it?" we asked. "Easy," she said."Every night I take my teeth out at six o'clock."<div class="blogger-post-footer"

University Professor Discusses on the Job Perks – AKA Curvy Students

Updated: 2009-09-23 20:42:20

You normally picture university professors as being reserved or perhaps even uptight. That’s not so for Terence Kealey of the University of Buckingham. In fact, a newly published article that contains his unique sense of humor has Dr. Kealey in some hot water. It’s definitely nice to see a professor being able to joke [...]

I love you Hon.

Updated: 2009-09-23 04:12:00

My granddaughter asked why I called my wife Hon. "It's a term of endearment," I explained. My wife mumbled, "After more than 40 years, it's a term of endurement."

Nursing Home Abuse

Updated: 2009-09-23 01:52:00

Siesta Time

Updated: 2009-09-22 17:50:00

Scotch with two drops of water

Updated: 2009-09-20 02:57:00

: skip to main skip to sidebar Saturday , September 19, 2009 Scotch with two drops of water A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water . As the bartender gives her the drink she says , I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today . The bartender says , Well , since it's your birthday , I'll buy you a drink . In fact , this one is on me . As the woman finishes her drink , the woman to her right says , I would like to buy you a drink , too . The old woman says , Thank you . Bartender , I want a Scotch with two drops of water . Coming up , says the bartender . As she finishes that drink , the man to her left says , I would like to buy you one , too . The old woman says , Thank you . Bartender , I want another Scotch with two drops of water . Coming right up , the bartender says . As he gives her the drink , he says , Ma'am , I'm dying of curiosity . Why the Scotch with only two drops of water The old woman replies , Sonny , when you're my age , you've learned how to hold your liquor . Holding your water , well . that's a whole other issue . Labels : Jokes : Reactions 0 comments : Post a Comment Newer Post Older Post Home

The kids today!

Updated: 2009-09-19 16:54:00

Mayor Pulled Over by Fake Cop

Updated: 2009-09-17 16:03:59

If you feel like pretending you have a different job for awhile, impersonating a cop should probably be scratched off that list. However, if you feel you absolutely must go around pretending you’re a cop, perhaps pulling over the local mayor isn’t the best idea. Reminds me of the movie Catch Me If You Can, [...]

Looking for Jesus

Updated: 2009-09-16 23:54:00

: skip to main skip to sidebar Wednesday , September 16, 2009 Looking for Jesus An old man stumbling through the woods , totally drunk , comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river . The old drunk , wanting to be friendly , walks into the water bumping into the preacher . The preacher turns around , overcome by the smell of booze , grabs the drunk , and asks him , Are you ready to find Jesus Yes , I certainly am' replies the drunk , so the preacher lifts him up and dunks him in the river . He pulls him up and asks the old drunk , Brother did you find Jesus The drunk replies , No , I surely didn't . The preacher , shocked at the answer , dunks him into the water again , but for a bit longer this time . He pulls him out of the water and asks again , Have you found Jesus , my brother The drunk again answers , No , I mostly have not found Jesus . By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again , but this time he holds him down for about a minute . Well , the old drunk man begins kicking and flailing his arms and legs , and the preacher pulls him up . Then the preacher asks the drunk again , For the love of God man , did you find Jesus this

Speak a little louder sonny

Updated: 2009-09-16 17:37:00

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People of Walmart

Updated: 2009-09-16 17:29:59

If you’re one of those people that like to point and laugh at others, you’ll probably like the website People of Walmart. While I can’t condone making fun of others, it’s just too hard not to laugh at some of the pictures posted of the various people and cars found at Walmart. Of course stereotypes [...]

Malaysian woman, 107, fears hubby No. 22 will leave her

Updated: 2009-09-15 17:40:00

: , . skip to main skip to sidebar Tuesday , September 15, 2009 Malaysian woman , 107, fears hubby No . 22 will leave her By Saeed Ahmed CNN Afraid that her husband will leave her for a younger woman , a 107-year-old Malaysian woman is looking to marry again for the 23rd time . Wok Kundor : I am an aged woman . I don't have the body nor am I a young woman who can attract anyone . Wok Kundor has been happily married for four years to her husband , a man 70 years her junior . But since he left their village in northern Terengganu state for a drug rehabilitation program in the capital , Kuala Lumpur , Wok has had a gnawing feeling . She said that she has been feeling insecure lately and she needs to find out whether he still loves her or not , said R.S.N . Murali , a reporter for The Star . The English-language Malaysian daily was among several local media outlets reporting on the lifelong romantic . She is worried he might not come back after his program and find himself a younger wife , Murali said . If so , Wok has her eyes set on a 50-year-old man , but hopes it does not come to that . I realize that I am an aged woman . I don't have the body nor am I a young woman who can attract

The blind date

Updated: 2009-09-15 11:33:00

"How was your blind date?" "Terrible! He showed up in a 1932 Rolls-Royce." "What's so terrible about that?" "He was the original owner!."

Composure

Updated: 2009-09-13 22:36:00

: skip to main skip to sidebar Sunday , September 13, 2009 Composure A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson . It's obvious to her that Gramps has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle , cookies in the cookie aisle same for fruit , cereal and soda in their respective aisles . Meanwhile , Gramps is working his way around , saying in a controlled voice , Easy , Albert , we won't be long easy , boy . Another outburst , and she hears Gramps calmly say , It's okay , Albert , just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here . Hang in there,boy . At the checkout , the little terror is throwing items out of the cart , and Gramps again in a controlled voice is says , Albert , Albert , relax buddy , don't get upset . We'll be home in five minutes stay cool , Albert . Very impressed , the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car . You know , sir , it's none of my business , but you were amazing in there . I don't know how you did it . That whole time , you kept your composure , and no matter how loud and disruptive he got , you just calmly kept saying things

Always put your walker in Park when unattended.

Updated: 2009-09-12 12:03:00

I love leather dresses

Updated: 2009-09-12 01:11:00

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a an old geezer's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally??? Ever wonder why?It's because she smells like a new golf bag ....

The Therapist

Updated: 2009-09-12 01:04:00

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the 30 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?' The husband thought for a moment and replied: "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I fish."

Thoughtful Husband

Updated: 2009-09-09 22:16:00

You know your getting old when...

Updated: 2009-09-07 21:56:00

Age is an ugly thing. And it gets worse!

Updated: 2009-09-07 19:33:00

My newest bumper sticker

Updated: 2009-09-05 03:25:00

You can buy this brand new full-color bumper sticker, and 51 other stickers, at my GeezerShop. http://www.cafepress.com/geezershop.

Caution!

Updated: 2009-09-04 17:50:00

Supergeezer

Updated: 2009-09-03 17:55:00

: skip to main skip to sidebar Thursday , September 3, 2009 Supergeezer WHAT does your average great grandma in her 90s want for her birthday Ruth Frith wants a home gym to keep up to scratch with her hammer throw and shot put . True story . Ruth is a marvel at 99, a Masters athlete who refuses to act her age . Grant Hackett has just retired as a swimming oldie of 28. Our super-senior citizen from Algester , on Brisbane's southside , is still competing . This great grandmother of 11 has already enlisted for the World Masters Games which will draw an estimated 25,000 competitors to Sydney in October next year . She is literally in a league of her own in the women's 95-99 age category in which her best throws for the discus 9.85m hammer 11.37m and shot put 4.72m are all world bests . I hold five world records but , let's be honest , I'm the only competitor in my age group , she says with a smile . I'm the oldest competing in the world . You have to aim high . I look at what those in their 80s are throwing and try to beat them . Honestly , I don't know what is so magical about being 99. It's just two numbers on a piece of paper and I'm still the same freckle-faced redhead I was at 98.